Safety 1st Issue

Safety

These times call for NEW security measures. Here are some tips for parents trying to keep their kids safe from kidnapping:
Instruct child to take a different dark alley home from school everyday.
Twice a year, hold an abduction drill in which you throw your unsuspecting child into the trunk of your car.
Start emotionally distancing yourself from your child now, to lessen the separation trauma of abduction.
Warn your child of the dangers of abduction every night as you tuck them into bed.
Keep your child safely locked in the basement, feeding them by throwing food down the heating duct.
Avoid taking children to Olive Garden; the maze of tables and artificial plants is an abductors playground.
Be sure to take your child to work on “Take Your Child to Work or They’ll be Abducted Day”
Hopefully we can look forward to some cleaner streets!
Onion
Forrest Stewart, logging off, for MCC News!