Elf 3rd issue

Elf
We all know about Santa’s elves, and we all know about ordinary humans! But do we know what we have in common with these model hard-workers? To most Americans the answer is “no”. But I hope to change that! I am going to look in to this and tell YOU what they have in common with us!
First we are all slaves to advertising! It is not very well known, that when an elf sees an advertisement THEY BUY IT THAT DAY (Just like us!)!!!! Second, the only thing we care about is toys. Third, we are both so over-worked that we just start over at the end of the year! And we thought Santa’s little midgets were jolly!?!?!? They’re as grumpy as us ordinary grumps from the middle latitudes!!! Actually I’ve been thinking (I KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS BREAK AND I’M NOT SUPOSSED TO, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!) That back in the 60s Santa cloned Grumpy (Snow White’s jerkish “friend”) and made “elves” (This was all ‘cause he was an under-paid freak, and wanted to spoil all of us kids’ dreams!)! But now that the truth’s out, I’m gonna have to huff it to the South Pole!
Forrest Stewart signing of for MCC News.