A Big Downer. Help from: NPR this American life 3rd issue

A Big Downer. Help from: NPR this American life.
When you looked at the headline you probably said: “WOW! I never knew there was anything good about throwing your self of the Sears Tower! I think I’ll act like an idiot and take a hint from Forrest.” Anyway, whether be thy idiot whom acts upon thee word “Idiot” or be thy idiot whom acts upon thee word “Average wacko” or thy be non-idiot whom acts upon thee word “Idiot” come and listen to my narrative…
My story starts with an average wacko named Grevage Kowca (Try re-arranging his name.) who is having trouble. Since I’m more of a wack-job than even this idiot I think I’ll let him tell his story…
Well, over break I went to the doctor for my usual check-up. They told me something was in my bladder. Whenever a doctor tells you that you have something in your bladder, it’s never good. For example you never go to the doctor and he/she comes up to you and say “Mr. ____________ you have something in your bladder and it’s SEASON TICKETS TO THE BULLS!” No, it’s always some crap about you dying or whatever! So! Truth #1: Hospitals, why have ‘em? Now, my mom works at a hospital and it seems like an exiting place, but then again she works in the emergency room in a crime filled neighborhood… If all we want to hear is bad news we can invest in the stock market, not drive to a hospital and sit in a waiting room with a ton of people with the flu! Next: Public events. Whenever you go somewhere to have some fun and buy somethin’ there’s gonna be a clerk- and if you like the chump, then you want support his finances, so of course you’re gonna buy something. BUT at some of these NEW public events all the money is going to some CHARITY! You might say “You know Grevage, who really gives a care? If you don’t want to give money, DON’T GOT TO THOSE PUBLIC EVENTS!” But these days they don’ even tell you! They’ll say (AFTER YOU BUY SOMETHING): Thank you for supporting such&such charity and you’ll get all angry at this guy and yell “OY! JERK, I’M TRYING TO SUPPORT YOU WITH MY MONEY AND YOU’RE THROWING AWAY MY MONEY!” and he’ll say “Well it’s not my fault you can’t handle your finances, I do alright with my money!” and you go “And apparently you do alright with mine too!” Truth #2: Public events, why have ‘em?
Finally, throwing yourself off the Sears Tower: You will probably die if you throw yourself of the Sears Tower. So, truth #3: Sears Towers, why have ‘em?
Forrest Stewart Signing off for MCC News